Sat, 24 September 2011
tWoTcast episode 32 (part 2 of 7)
Our second discussion of book seven of the Wheel of Time, A Crown of Swords. Covering chapters 4-10. Featuring: Jono, Joe and Tom. What critics call "a show on the internet", Tom adds a red rocket to our bizarre take on Perrin's wolf attributes, and finally Jono likes Chesa, Joe has no opinion of Chesa, and Tom hates Chesa with the fire of a thousand suns.
Fri, 23 September 2011
@TrollocTalk: I figure it’s time to follow the TWoTcast recipe for Muradin’s eyes with an old fashioned trolloc recipe. I mean, really, I think the entire Wheel of Time series makes clear we’re incredible cooks. For this, I’ve chosen something my uncle Murray used to make when we had a particularly good haul from a borderlander village. As an eagle-beaked trolloc, Murray had a great sense for just how various ingredients interacted with the meat.
Of course, you non-trolloc scum probably don’t feel like resorting to cannibalism, so I have made some notes of ingredients you can substitute for a lesser meal. Also, we made this in huge quantities, of course, because we’re ruthless and had hundreds of villagers to eat, but I parsed it down to something just a few humans would eat. Before we eat them.
Human Stew with Herbes de Provence
2 lb human (SUBSTITUTE lamb) fillet, shoulder or leg, trimmed of fat & cut into 1-inch cubes
1 tablespoon Essence, recipe follows
2 tablespoons olive oil
1/2 cup chopped yellow onions
1/2 cup diced peeled sweet potatoes
1/2 cup chopped carrots
1 tablespoon minced garlic
1/2 cup human eyes (SUBSTITUTE peeled, seeded, and shopped plum tomatoes)
1 tablespoon herbes de Provence (Murray traveled with his own but you can find recipes online)
1/2 teaspoon salt (best when harvested from human tears but tough w/o a channeler)
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 cup dry red wine
3 cups human blood broth (SUBSTITUTE lamb stock)
Cairheinen or Altaran bread, accompaniment
2 1/2 tablespoons paprika
2 tablespoons salt
2 tablespoons garlic powder
1 tablespoon ground black pepper
1 tablespoon onion powder
1 tablespoon cayenne
1 tablespoon dried oregano
1 tablespoon dried thyme
Place all the ingredients in a bowl or hollowed out human skull and stir well to combine thoroughly. Yield: about 2/3 cup
Season the meat with the Essence and use your hands/claws to coat the meat thoroughly. In the bottom of a trolloc cookpot (the finest cooking mechanism even created), heat the oil over a medium-high fire. Add the seasoned human meat (SUBSTITUTE lamb) and cook, stirring, until browned, about 5 minutes. Remove with a rusty sword to the back of a shield, and set aside.
To the fat in the cookpot, add the onions, potatoes, and carrots, and cook, stirring, for 3 minutes. Add the garlic and cook for 1 minute. Add the tomatoes, herbs, salt, pepper, and red wine, and bring to a boil. Cook until reduced by half, about 3 minutes, stirring to deglaze the cookpot. Add the human and blood (SUBSTITUTE lamb and stock) to the cookpot and return to a boil. Reduce the fire to medium-low and simmer until the human (SUBSTITUTE lamb) is tender, about 30 to 35 minutes.
Remove from the heat and adjust the seasoning, to taste. Ladle into soup bowls and serve with hot, crusty Cairheinen or Altaran bread.
Category:tWoT Blog -- posted at: 12:23 AM
Sat, 17 September 2011
tWoTcast episode 31 (part 1 of 7)
Our first discussion of book seven of the Wheel of Time, A Crown of Swords. Covering chapters 1-3 and the prologue. Featuring: Jono, Joe and Tom. Cover talk part seven; is that a bird-faced trolloc or Faile? The prologue is filled with characters we hate and long as hell, the aiel's version of a hilarious joke on wetlanders is a helicoptor dick, and finally Perrin spends two chapters trying to get Rand to follow his nose.
Sat, 10 September 2011
tWoTcast episode 30 (part 5 of 5)
Our fifth and final discussion of book six of the Wheel of Time, Lord of Chaos. Covering chapters 52-55 and the epilogue. Featuring: Jono, Joe and Tom. We recorded LIVE from Dragon*con! ...and then it was lost. Join us for this episode as we mourn our own stupidity while simultaneously planning ahead for it.
Thu, 1 September 2011
We trollocs don’t get much face time in the middle books of the Wheel of Time series. I’m convinced that it’s just more anti-trolloc bigotry on the part of Robert Jordan, but I’ll do my best to forgive him. Despite his glaring omission, I am here once again to shed some light on events surrounding trollocs that have been overlooked.
Of course, I can’t tell you specifics about what trollocs have been up to, because it might give away critical tactical and strategic information. Haha, I mean, really, if I told you a bunch of us headed down to Murandy to hook up with Demandred and his plan to take Caemlyn, that would be BAD. You get the point.
But I think it’s pretty clear that trollocs have been doing a whole lot of moving around, even in the middle books of the Wheel of Time. Our main mode of transportation is obviously The Ways, that super sucky interdimensional superhighway of crap. To show you what the time has been like for us trollocs, I figured I’d share my friend Carl’s diary from such travels with you. You’ll need to keep in mind that Carl is a raccoon-headed kind of trolloc, and, well…I’m sure you know what that means. Still, this is pretty representative of the experience for all of us.
So, the lights are down in here, and the place looks awfully goth, so I’m excited to finally make it to the auditorium area and see The Black Wind perform. The way Myrddraal Dan describes them, these guys will totally make us scream. Still, the stage seems awfully far away…
I admit I can’t read what’s on these guiding stones at intersections, but something tells me it’s porn. Man, I wish I could read.
Myrddral Dan is getting pretty cagy about when we’re going to get to see The Black Wind, but has begun hinting that he has some backstage passes that he’ll give to those of us who do best at keeping the others moving. That’s getting tough – some of the guys are totally pussing. You’d think they were afraid of the dark. Rick vanished last night, but seriously, I’ve seen Alex and Stan eying him up for a while with hungry eyes. I’m pretty sure they ate him. I mean, what else could it be? Some semi-sentient force of evil so malignant that it just sucks out our souls and leaves our bodies behind to fall off the platforms? Haha. Ridiculous.
I overheard some of the guys talking about The Black Wind. Apparently Myrddral Dan is being so secretive because they’re actually an afrobeat band and he’s afraid it’s a little too hipster for us.
DAY 9 (Bedtime):
Some of the guys ended the day’s hike at the top of a big squiggly red slide (almost like a chute), fell down it, and now have to work their way over to a ladder to get back up here. Those guys will never catch up.
I think we’re lost. Myrddraal Mike just admitted he kicked the map off of a platform yesterday. Josh found a little doll made of sticks. One of the guys is just standing over on the corner of this platform, facing away from us. This whole trip gives me the creeps.
Arrived at our destination and left The Ways. A third of the guys ended up stuck in corners, falling off bridges or platforms, or falling down those big red chutes. What a waste. Myrddraal Dan is saying it wasn’t worth seeing The Black Wind anyway – apparently it’s a pretty soul-sucking experience. Guess they’re a power ballad band, after all.
TrollocTalk doesn’t use The Ways, preferring to drive, at least when his jo-car isn’t in the shop. When it is, you can hear him gripe about it on Twitter @trolloctalk
Category:tWoT Blog -- posted at: 3:30 PM
Thu, 1 September 2011
tWoTcast episode 29 (part 4 of 5)
Our fourth discussion of book six of the Wheel of Time, Lord of Chaos. Covering chapters 37-51. Featuring: Jono, Joe and Tom. Aviendha asks Elayne to cut a scarlet A in her back, Jono thinks the Black Tower is like a secret agent training camp and finally Galina's 13 pull off the biggest heist in Vegas history.