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The Mysteriously Missing Maid

Jun 30, 2011

Having not actually been on the ground during the riots in Tanchico, i've had a difficult time writing about the things that are happening there.  I've had to rely on other sources around the internet to try and paint a whole picture of exactly what is going on there for my readers to get an idea of how these events are affecting the people of Tanchico.  One of the most effective devices for me was using Twitter to capture what was happening throughout the city in real time.  One of the tweeters i had been following, a maid in the Panarch's Palace, had a particularly interesting Twitter timeline on the day the Palace burned.  I tried getting in touch with her afterward, because I wanted to get a more in depth viewpoint from someone who was inside the Palace when the riots happened.  I was unable to get in touch with her, and it turns out this was because she had disappeared.  No one in her family or on the Palace staff seems to know where she went.  Local officials refuse to acknowledge even that she may be dead, because her body was not recovered from the Palace when the dust settled.  Here I present to you her complete Twitter timeline from a few days before the riots right up until she disappeared:

@panarchsmaid Have to go to some bullshit meeting at work.  Wonder what it's about?

@panarchsmaid Well i'm being forced to move out of the Palace.  There are new nobles moving in to avoid the riots.  #FML

@panarchsmaid Seriously guys, how much room do 11 women need?!

@panarchsmaid Had to move back home.  My dad is calling me a 'baby boomerang'.  Whatever that means.

@panarchsmaid Hooray!  Wasn't raped on the walk home today!  Seriously, these riots are ridiculous. >:(

@panarchsmaid SO sick of the kitchens.  More and more work to do, no new maids.

@panarchsmaid OMG! One of the cooks has to eat bread and water only now for eating cream that one of the new ladies likes to feed her cats!

@panarchsmaid Everyone is calling Lady Marillin 'Crazy Cat Lady Marillin' now. LOL

@panarchsmaid God, who has this much free time to play with cats?! Must be nice.

@panarchsmaid Crazy Cat Lady Marillin is crazy

@panarchsmaid Seriously, CCLM is in the kitchen All. The. Time. 

@panarchsmaid Dear Dangerous City, please stop being so dangerous. Love, ME

@panarchsmaid More ice peppers today for the Panarch.  Sure she doesn't have a fetish.  Nope. Definately a weird vegetable perv or anything ;)

@panarchsmaid WOO! My transfer is accepted!  No more kitchen duty.  A glamorous life of dusting and stocking towels awaits me! :P

@panarchsmaid Walk to work was nuts today.  Could you guys not riot today?  That would be great! kthxbye

@panarchsmaid Ok, yeah, they're definately going to riot out there today.  I'm almost glad the White Cloaks are here. (not really)

@panarchsmaid WTF?! Someone stole supplies out of MY closet!  It was probably Betsi, that bitch.  Great start to first day on new job. :(

@panarchsmaid Towels and duster gone!  And really, who steals a pestle and not the mortar?  What's the point?

@panarchsmaid Hey!  I found the dumbass who stole my duster!  Some new maid. #goingtogiveherapieceofmymind

@panarchsmaid Wait.  TWO new girls.  Rethinking last tweet.  #outnumbered

@panarchsmaid Uh... the two new maids were arguing or something, and now they're just staring at each other.

@panarchsmaid Still staring at each other. Maybe they're in love? LOLZ

@panarchsmaid Starting to get creepy.  Am i ever getting this duster back?  Do I even want it anymore?

@panarchsmaid The world's longest and most boring staring contest continues.  I need someone to come break this up.

@panarchsmaid Ha!  Lady Jeaine is coming, and she looks PISSED! They probably stole her stuff too! LOL

@panarchsmaid Lady Jeaine is carrying a big black rod?  Maybe she'll use it to beat the girl who stole my duster! 

@panarchsmaid HOLY SHIT!! Lady Jeaine just shot a fucking laser out of the black rod!  It put a giant hole in the wall!!  WTF!!

@panarchsmaid Damn, she looks like she's trying to do it again!  I'll try to get a picture.

And that is the last anyone ever heard from her.  Hopefully this paints a pretty decent picture for you of this poor girls last days.  As I said before, no body was recovered, which isn't that strange all by itself, but what is strange is that I could have sworn there were at least three other tweets in this timeline that seem to have winked out of existence.  I've talked with other bloggers who were following her and they all remember seeing a few more tweets as well.  Where did they go?  It's almost like they were deleted on purpose.  Are the nobles in Tanchico covering for this Lady Jeaine?  How responsible is she for what happened in the palace on the day of the big riots?  Any information you can send our way that helps us get to the bottom of this would be greatly appreciated.  Please send anything that can help shed some light on this to

Tom O'Hara likes maid outfits, and they don't necessarily have to be french.  Follow him on twitter @tomohara